


Strictly Professional

by BlazePyron



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Roadhog takes a bath, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 10:11:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8397562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazePyron/pseuds/BlazePyron
Summary: After saving Junkrat by smashing his way through a window and falling four stories, Roadhog thinks that he deserves a bath and a real bed for the night.  Meanwhile Junkrat doesn't shut up.





	

Through his mask, Roadhog could still smell the strong scent of gunpowder.  He sighed and sank deeper into the bathtub, water spilling over the sides, displaced by his considerable bulk. 

Every part of him ached, which tended to happen when you were launched out of a four-story building by an explosion. But the warm bathwater was soothing, and he huffed in contentment.  Baths were a rare luxury, which was usually fine with Roadhog, but he didn’t enjoy smelling like burnt bacon.  Nor did he particularly like the dusting of shattered glass embedded in his back.  So, despite Junkrat’s laughter at the pig wanting to get clean, he had demanded a motel room for the night. 

“Oi,” Junkrat yelled, pounding against the door, “hurry up with your mudbath, Hog, I’ve gotta piss!”

Roadhog sighed.  He had been in here a while, yes, since this was his third tub of water.  He could feel the prunes on his fingers and toes but he still stank of explosions.  Still, the water was clear this time, not bloody or dark with grime.  This was probably as clean as he was going to get.  He heaved himself out of the bath, gut squeaking against the sides, more water splashing out onto the smooth tile. 

Yeah, he was making a bit of a mess, wasn’t he? 

Roadhog stepped out of the tub, his bare feet slapping against the puddles forming in the grooves and grout of the floor.  He grabbed a towel from the rack and threw it to the floor.  It wouldn’t do to have Junkrat slip on the slick tile and break his remaining leg.  He grabbed a second towel and wrapped it around his waist.  Not that he particularly cared what Rat saw of his junk.  It was just the principal of the thing.

He threw open the door to find Junkrat hopping between good leg and peg leg, whining softly, his eyes shut tight.  So melodramatic.  “It’s all yours,” Roadhog grumbled.

Junkrat’s eyes flew open and he gasped in delight, sprinting into the bathroom. 

Roadhog shut the door behind him and lumbered over to the single bed in the room.  He huffed, not looking forward to sharing.  He stood at the foot of the bed, turned around, extended his arms, and gracefully flopped backwards onto his back.

The mattress springs screamed in protest.

Roadhog groaned in pleasure, savoring this moment of taking up the entire bed while he could.  Sure, it was sort of stiff, sort of lumpy, but to Hog it felt like a cloud.  He wondered what Junkrat would do if he walked out of the bathroom to find that he had no room on the bed.

Probably, he'd try to push Hog over.  When he got tired of trying to move 550 pounds of ham, he'd likely just clamber on top of Roadhog and sleep like that. 

Hog didn't really feel like being Junkrat's bed tonight. 

He sat up and twisted his back, popping out the kinks.  He looked down at himself and realized he still only had a towel.  Roadhog huffed and got up to fish a clean pair of boxers out from his belongings, if only to sleep in. 

They were white, dotted with pink pig heads.  They were very him. 

The toilet flushed and the sink ran for a second.  Only a second.  Junkrat was like a cat when it came to water.   

“Wheee!” Junkrat squealed as he flew onto the bed. 

The mattress springs squeaked lightly. 

“You’re gonna have to move,” Roadhog huffed.

Junkrat wiggled on the bed, his arms splayed out, taking up as much space as possible.  “Mine, all mine!  It’s my bed, and you can’t have it!”

Roadhog sighed.  “Fine, guess I’ll just have to sleep on top of you.”

Junkrat looked up at Hog’s imposing, and heavy, figure before begrudgingly rolled over to make room, grumbling under his breath. 

“You get a soft, warm bed for the night.  Stop whining,” Hog said as he stretched his arms towards the ceiling, arching his back.  His fingers brushed against the low ceiling as he stuck his gut out, trying in vain to pop his back for a second time.

Some rustling came from the bed, and then Roadhog felt a grenade casing hit him square in the navel. 

Junkrat giggled. 

Ignoring him, Roadhog grunted as his back let out a final crack, and proceeded to climb into bed.  “Hit the lights, will you?”

Another grenade casing smacked against the light switch, and everything went dark.

Roadhog stared up into the darkness, listening to the sound of his own breathing.  With the acoustics of the mask, he was his own personal white noise machine.  He was almost asleep when Junkrat’s elbow jabbed into the side of his gut.

“Oi, thanks for today, by the way.  I woulda been a bit of a goner if you hadn’ta grabbed me and busted through that window like ya did.  I came outta that with nary a scratch on me, and you had a window-pane-fulla glass in ya back.  I’m not sure if fifty-fifty is gonna cut it for ya anymore, eh Hog?”

Roadhog  grunted.

“Yeah, I know, I know, it’s your job and all, it’s what you signed up to do, but I can’t help but think that one of these days I’m gonna be more of a liability than you’re willing to put up with.” 

Roadhog plopped his meaty hand over Junkrat’s face, a lazy, vague gesture of comfort.  “I’m happy being with you, Jamie.”

Laughing, Junkrat shoved Roadhog’s hand off his face, letting it rest on his chest.  “You don’t have to lie to me, Roadhog, I’m under no illusion that this is anything more than a strictly professional relationship.  You’re happy you get to punch things and spray shrapnel everywhere and get wads of cash for it.  That’s got nothin’ to do with me.”

Suddenly Roadhog lifted his hand off Jamie.  “Yeah,” he rumbled, “strictly professional.”  The entire bed groaned as Roadhog turned over, facing away from Junkrat. 

The room was quiet, save for the air conditioning unit humming away against the wall. 

Staring into the darkness, Roadhog no longer felt much like sleeping.  His face felt warm, his mask trapping the heat of his heavy breathing.  Finally, he broke the silence: “So, is that really what you think?”

Junkrat yawned.  “About what, Roadie?”

“Our relationship.”

“Our what now?” Junkrat said groggily, “Oh, right, nothin’ but professional.  I mean, sure, I don’t see what else it would be.  Why’re you grumbling at me like that, ya big grump?”

“It’s nothing,” Roadhog said quietly, “just go to sleep, Junkrat.”

The bed sqeaked lightly as Junkrat moved about, getting comfortable again. 

Roadhog closed his eyes, and felt sleep about to overtake him, when suddenly Junkrat bolted upright, yelling “NOW WAIT JUST A SECOND.” 

With a room-shaking thud, a startled Roadhog fell out of bed and onto the motel room floor.

“Now Hog,” Junkrat began, ignoring the fact that Roadhog now laid on the floor, “I didn’t mean to insinuate that you aren’t a great mate to have, as well.  You thought I was sayin’ we weren’t friends, only business partners or somethin, didn’t ‘cha?  You’ll be my friend as long as you wanna be, big guy, ain’t no way to get rid a’ me…unless you ask, of course.”

“I’m not going to be your friend for much longer if you don’t shut up and let me sleep.” Roadhog growled. 

“Oh,” Junkrat whispered, “right, sorry, I’ll be quiet and stop saying dumb things.”

“Yeah,” Roadhog grumbled, climbing back into the bed, “for tonight at least.  Any longer than that and you’ll hurt yourself.” 

Junkrat giggled, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right Roadie.  Just one of my many attractive qualities, as you know.”

Roadhog grunted, and wrapped his hand around Junkrat’s, his large fingers wrapping around his hand, wrist, and most of his forearm.  “Boy do I know,” he whispered. 

Giggling some more, Junkrat turned and leaned into Roadhog’s arm, getting comfortable against it.  “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here, Roadie.”

Roadhog snorted.  “Goodnight, Jamie,” he finally whispered.

“Sweet dreams, mate.”

 

      

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy to see how this ship has grown since the game launched and I wanted to finally get off my lazy ass and contribute something to it.
> 
> Feel free to follow me on tumblr: hamburgertrousers.tumblr.com


End file.
